ACT IV: "Just What I Need - More Of An Open Invitation."

Solo stopped at the first sign of civilization he could find that had a public restroom to rinse his socks. Luckily, he had a pair of clogs in the trunk that would do for footwear until his socks dried and he could polish his shoes. He sighed as he slipped on the clunky shoes; at least he didn't have to mountains climb any time soon.

With his jacket dusted off and the various tears patted flat he slipped into the car again and was in the process of draping his wet socks over the heater vent when his communicator warbled. He wiped his hands dry and twisted the pen open. The first thing he heard was 'Wild Thing' and the sound of an enthusiastic crowd.

"Solo here. Is anyone there who's not having fun?"

"That would be me." Illya's voice sounded tight. "When did women become so . . . forward?"

"Not soon enough in my opinion. Have you spotted the girls?"

"No. I keep getting distracted and this place is packed. I managed to get a glimpse at the office files and discovered that this is a private Thrush resort and spa. Apparently any Thrush member and their spouses can come here to relax."

Solo's eyes opened in interest. "Well, that's a good idea! Think Waverly would go for that?"

"I'll let you pitch that idea. Hold on." The communicator was silent for a few moments. "I'm back."

"Problems?"

 "Nothing a pair of handcuffs wouldn't fix. Then again, that just may excite her more." Illya's voice sounded disgusted. "I think we both need to search this place. It's rather large."

Solo grinned. "I'm on my way."

"Somehow I didn't think it would take much to get you here. I suggest arriving as a guest. Several are checking in at 6:00."

The American consulted his watch. "That gives me two hours. I'll see you then."

"Kuryakin out."

The air went dead and Solo happily pocketed the pen and examined his nails. "I wonder if there's an opening for a manicure before dinner."

*************

Illya closed the pen with a snap and a twist then tucked it away in the waist of his uncomfortably snug pants. Small, well-placed tugs moved the garment into a more tolerable position, but he hoped he wouldn't have to climb anything. He wasn't sure the material could stand the strain. In addition, he had to hide his gun and holster in the closet where he'd changed, and as a result felt even more exposed.

Exiting the busboy corner put him in the middle of the early afternoon throng gathering for cocktail hour. 'Wild Thing' gave way to 'Good Lovin' ' without a loss of momentum on the dance floor. The agent tried to keep to the outskirts but was forced to maneuver through the gyrating crowd. He felt hands on every part of his body as he moved along. Dance requests were as heavy as the champagne breath they were delivered on. By the time he broke free by the pool, he had to check and make sure his uniform was still intact. Other than flattened ruffles and a missing button, he was intact. Disgustedly, he noticed the missing button deepened the 'V' of his neckline to mid chest. "Just what I need," he mumbled to himself. "More of an open invitation."

He worked his way around to the far side of the pool, which was elevated enough for him to observe the crowd from a better angle while he feigned totaling up an order sheet. No sign of the girls. He turned and looked at the U shaped building surrounding the pool area. One wing was mostly administrative and housekeeping offices, and most of another wing was spa related - steam rooms, massage rooms, sauna. That left the rest of the building as guest rooms. With a sigh, he grabbed a tray with a few empty glasses and hoisted it to his shoulder. The opening beat to 'Paint It Black' urged him into the building.

He'd have to check the rooms one by one. He hoped Solo would turn up soon.

************

"That's just what I needed!" Kiki was ready to go back to action.

"Me too! Listen to that music! There's nothing like rock and roll to make a girl want to move." Tessa checked her make up in the mirror one last time. The massage, facial and hair styling had refreshed both of them. After a quick shower and change of clothes, they were ready to go.

Kiki wore a lime green mini-dress that could be classified as a second skin and dangling ball earrings the size of lemons. Tessa wore a patented leather mini-skirt in a hot pink and blinding yellow dot pattern and a snug yellow blouse with countless buttons from neckline to navel and gold ear rings that could double as hula hoops. They both wore knee high shiny boots in colors that complemented their wardrobe and hip hugging belts of connecting metal loops.

Kiki grabbed Tessa's hand and squealed excitedly, "Come on! The discotheque is really hopping! We can grab a bite to eat down there."

Giggling, the girls trotted to the elevator that took them directly to the pool. Mick Jagger's sultry lyrics and the pounding beat of 'Paint It Black' greeted them as they spilled into the crowd.

***********

Napoleon Solo adjusted the bow tie of his borrowed tuxedo, pleased at the fit. He'd managed to single out one car heading to the spa that had a sole occupant, and was lucky the man was the same suit size. Well, close anyway. The agent tightened up the belt a bit and settled the jacket over the puckered waistline.

"You need to trim down a bit, my man," he said as he checked the bindings of the unconscious Thrushman. "But that's probably why you were heading to the spa." Solo checked the Thrush identification card, thankful that the agency did not have photos on their badges. "Number 117. My favorite combination. Maybe there's a craps table somewhere in there!" He patted the head of the quiet captive. "I'll split the winnings with you if I have time. Good night!"

He emerged from the thick stand of trees and examined the scene from the road, satisfied that his sedan and the Thrushman weren't visible. He hopped into the waiting red Ferrari and gunned the engine. "I must speak to Waverly about my pay," he grumbled as he shot down the road to The Green Door.

Solo showed the identification to the guard at the gate, who matched the number to a list on his clipboard. The guard nodded thanks, and signaled for the gate to open. Solo cleared the wrought iron gates and had to admire the well-groomed grounds. He also noticed all the open space between the building and the imposing surrounding wall. Their escaped would have to be well planned.

A valet bowed to the agent as he opened the car door. "I will take care of your bags, sir. Please pick up your key at the front desk."

Solo nodded and walked up the front steps. The enormous green doors swung open as he approached, and quietly closed after he was inside. He paused. The large, black bird inlay on the floor was hard to miss. "How subtle," he breathed as he walked slowly to the front counter and carefully logged the layout of the lobby in his mind. He quickly ducked his head and angled his body sideways as he spotted and recognized the face of a passing guest - a lower level Thrush goon from an assignment three months ago. This would be tricky . . .

"Your name, sir?" The perky, toga-clad woman behind the counter smiled pleasantly. Solo was immediately smitten.

"Ah, yes. Martin Thorn." He smiled his best smile, but the woman was all business and didn't bat an eye.

"Here you go. Room 413. Your wife is waiting for you at the discotheque." She pointed to her left. "It's by the pool, that way."

"Oh. Yes. My wife." The woman's smile did not change. Solo glanced at her nametag. "Thank you, Collette."

"You're welcome." Collette whisked away without a second glance.

Solo turned to the exit and sighed, "Can't win 'em all." He headed to the pool.

Music that had been faint in the lobby painfully assaulted Solo's ears in full force when he stepped outside, which caused him to wince and pause. The crowd was unbelievably large, full of energy and incredibly loud. Thrush employees knew how to have a good time. While his hearing degraded the agent took a moment to decide if this crowd was easier searched up close, at a distance or not at all. He had to duck his face and turn his back to another recognizable foe that was leaving the dance floor with his date, smiling happily.

"Hi there!" Solo looked up to see whom he had bumped into. Bright blue eyes framed in hot pink accessories topped a toothy white smile. The busty woman took him into a dance hold. "Let's dance, handsome!" There was no room for choice as Solo was turned into the crowd just as 'Paperback Writer' spewed from the sound system. His date sang along gleefully as she pressed close and writhed in a dancing motion in his arms.

In a matter of seconds the agent was in the middle of the pressing crowd. He discovered quickly that this wasn't the best way to search for the girls. He had to bury his face in Miss Pink's ample and stiffly coiffed hair several times as he recognized faces in the crowd - all the wrong faces; faces that could identify him as and UNCLE agent. When the Beatles tune wound down and turned into the Shondell's 'Hanky Panky' Solo managed to break free of his wriggling partner worked his way out of the crowd.

When Solo turned to go he ran into a woman in a blinding yellow blouse.

"Oh, excuse me!"

Even though the woman giggled as she spoke Solo still noticed her accent and frowned; it couldn't be . . .

"My friend is very clumsy!"

When he laid his eyes on the second girl, he knew it was them. They looked so much older than the photos he was momentarily taken aback. The eye make up was thick and skillfully applied.

"No, no, ladies, my fault entirely." Solo reached to take Tessa by the arm but a waiter found his way between them.

"Ladies, Miss Narcissus would like to introduce herself. Come with me, please?"

"The owner? That beautiful woman on the pamphlets? Certainly! We would love to meet her!" Tessa smiled at Solo and slipped away. "Maybe later!"

"Bye!" Kiki fell in behind her friend.

Solo started to follow but had to step quickly back into the crowd. Narcissus was standing at the end of the pool waiting for the girls, facing his direction, and knew him from a previous mission. A confrontation while he was virtually surrounded by Thrush agents was not a good idea so he ducked his head, spun on his heel and moved quickly out to of the crowd to the building.

Getting to the girls was going to be trickier that he thought. He had to find his partner and figure out a less public place to contact them.

 ************

"Groovy place!" Kiki yelled over the crowd to the woman waiting for them by the pool.

"Yes, Miss Narcissus! I can't think of a better way to spend time in America!" Tessa agreed.

Narcissus smiled politely at the girls and wondered if these garishly bright colors would last another season; they certainly would never be considered 'classic'. She smoothed her hair unconsciously as she spoke. "I am so glad your visit here has been enjoyable so far. Now I must go. Do not hesitate to ask any attendant for what ever you need. Your father wants you to be happy." Her assignment to keep the girls occupied had been easy so far, and she didn't anticipate any problems now that she had met them. She knew what young girls wanted.

Now, Thrush Central would have to agree that her spa idea was a good one. Having her office here was perfect - daily massage, weekly facials and a stylist always on duty. Nothing could stop her now. Narcissus excused herself and moved away from the pool and gyrating crowd. She had to make sure the building was secure for the night and security squads all accounted for before she reported to her superiors.

***********

ACT V: "I Have An Inspired Idea."

Solo slipped into the building and took a moment to appreciate the quiet. As his hearing recovered he noticed low murmurs coming from up the hall. He followed the muffled noise, which led him to a pair of swinging doors sporting oval glass windows with 'CASINO' etched into them. Unconsciously adjusting his tie with a grin, he stepped into the dark cover of the room hoping to find an unobtrusive corner from which he could call his partner.

The room was thick with smoke and tuxedos. The hooded lights over the gaming tables were aimed downward, ensuring privacy of the players. The muted rattle of dice, the snap of cards and the clink of crystal glasses were a comforting background to the agent as he quickly scanned the crowd. Satisfied, he found a shadowy corner and signaled for a drink as he sat. After the drink was delivered by a scantily clad, no nonsense waitress he pulled out his communicator.

"Open Channel D."

A moment later, his partner responded shortly, "Where are you?"

"I'm hiding out in the casino. The poolside action was a bit too hot."

Illya's voice was icy. "I'm sure it was."

Solo regarded the communicator. "I mean that there were too many familiar faces out there. I did see the girls, though."

The Russian's voice warmed up considerably. "Really? That means I can stop peeking into bedrooms."

One corner of Solo's mouth turned up in a grin. "Well, you don't have to stop if you don't want to, and we do need a quiet place to contact them away from the flock. Their room would be the best location." The quiet, sure motion of a passing waitress caught his attention.

Illya's voice was all business. "I didn't find anything on them in the office. Other than a direct assault on the registration desk, how do we find the room in a more efficient manner?"

As Solo watched the waitress deliver a tray of drinks to the craps table, he brightened with a plan. "I have an inspired idea," he said lowly, appreciating the form of the waitress. "Get to the kitchen and find the wine cellar. When the sommelier brings up a bottle of '62 Piper Heidseick, offer to deliver it."

Illya caught on immediately. "Room service."

"Exactly. I'll call them in 15 minutes. That should be enough time for you to get there. And don't call me, I'll call you - I'm still in the middle of a flock."

"I'm on my way. Kuryakin out."

************

Illya found the kitchen easily with his nose; it seemed Narcissus knew excellent chefs. He sidled through the busy crowd and found the wine cellar in a quiet corner near the linen closet. He busied himself with folding napkins as he watched for the wine clerk. Several stacks of napkins later and growing more impatient, he dropped one of the linen squares. As he bent to pick it up he heard quickly approaching footsteps that stopped abruptly followed by a small gasp.

The agent stood quickly, suddenly alert. The sommelier's initial surprise changed to smiling appreciation as Illya turned to find himself the object of an admiring assessment that focused on his snug pants. The wine expert fingered the tasting cup hanging from his neck and Illya's skin prickled as the man's eyes studied him from head to toe. The sommelier's eyes finally settled on the crux of the 'V' in the agent's ruffled shirt.

"Well," the nattily dressed man breathed, momentarily at a loss for words. "Well!" He straightened, gripped the tasting cup more firmly and stepped to the wine cellar door, which placed him next to the now wary agent. He met the narrowed blue eyes squarely and smiled. "Care to join me while I pull a bottle?"

Regretfully swallowing the loud 'NO!' that tried to erupt from his throat, Illya blinked and  eventually choked a quiet, "All right."

The sommelier smiled happily and opened the door.  "I haven't seen you before," the man chirped as he motioned Illya to follow.

The agent gripped a dangling napkin and held it protectively in front of his crotch. "Ah, I'm new."

They descended into the cold and musty cellar on squeaky wooden steps. One tug on a chain hanging from above snapped to life two bare light bulbs suspended from the low ceiling of the cellar. Double rows of wine racks lined the walls on either side of them as they stepped to the stone floor. The sommelier stopped at the second rack and pointed to the lowest row.

"Bottom shelf. Green and yellow label. '62 Piper Heidseick." The man's eyes sparkled as he looked expectantly at the agent.

It was made obvious that refusal was out of the question. Illya sighed, resigned, and bent down to get the bottle feeling like he was in the center of a spotlight. The sommelier was smiling hugely when the agent straightened up and presented the bottle for inspection.

The sommelier took the bottle and kept eye contact. "Yes, yes. That's it." With a raised eyebrow and a teasing look, the man rubbed the bottle clean in an alarming motion that made Illya even more uncomfortable, then handed the bottle back. "Take it to room 214, please." He stepped aside to let the embarrassed blond lead the way up the stairs. Illya moved quickly, but not quickly enough to avoid the copped feel of his right buttock followed by a short, delighted laugh. He made it to the top in record time and as he exited the cellar a voice called, "Come back anytime for more!"

"Don't count on it," escaped from tight lips as a grumble. Illya tugged at the open shirt in an effort to regain his dignity and headed to room 214.

***********

"My feet are killing me!"

Tessa and Kiki, shoes in hand and slung over their shoulders, made their way down the hall and to their room breathy with excitement.

"I'm all sweaty from dancing but I'm not ready to call it a night yet!"

"Neither am I! I heard they have a real band in the discotheque starting at 9. Want to see it?"

Tessa searched for the room key in her tiny, fringed purse. "Of course! I don't plan on sleeping at all until Daddy picks us up!" It took three tries before she finally got the key in the keyhole. "Let's hit the steam room - Daddy always said it refreshed him - then clean up and find the band. That shhould make us fashionably late!"

She pushed the door open and the pair stumbled into the room, tossing their shoes aside in the living area. Tessa pushed the door shut behind them.

"Hey!" Kiki said brightly. "Look at this!" She picked up the chilled bottle from the wine cooler on the coffee table.

"Wow, they sure keep the bubbles flowing."

"It's from a concerned party." The man's voice from a shadowy corner made the girls jump with a shriek. Tessa and Kiki huddled together next to the low table as a slight blond man stepped into the light. Illya held his hands out to show that he was unarmed. "You are in great danger and I'm here to help you."

"S . . . s . . . stay away from us, mister!" Kiki gripped Tessa's arm tightly.

"Yeah! I know karate, you know! I could kill you with my . . . my . . . feet! So watch it!" Tessa stood firmly on her two bare feet in a threatening stance but her wide eyes were unconvincing.

"No, listen." Illya said calmly. "I'm not here to hurt you; I'm here to help you. You've been kidnapped."

"Kidnapped?" Kiki laughed. "Are you kidding?"

Tessa sidled to the phone on the end table. Kiki stuck to her side like glue as the princess snatched up the receiver and dialed. "My daddy told me about characters like you! I talked to him today! Stay away from us or we'll scream!"

"No, don't!" Illya leaped forward to grab the phone. Kiki picked up a heavy glass ashtray from the end table and flung it at him, connecting squarely with his head. Illya stumbled in their direction, dazed. The girls shrieked again and scattered in opposite directions. They immediately launched a counter attack with all the small items in the room, screaming. The telephone receiver dangled to the floor and monitored the entire confrontation.

"GET AWAY FROM US!"

"No! You don't understand! I'm here to help . . ." The unstructured assault was fast, brutal and painful. The agent dove for shelter behind the sofa and tired to plead his case, but the screaming girls couldn't hear him. In a matter of seconds, the door flew open and two uniformed men burst in, guns drawn.

"He's over there!"

Illya leaped up and shoved the couch at the two men running at him. The lead man's legs were taken out from under him and as he flew through the air, the second man stopped and took aim. Illya ducked and grabbed the closest item from the floor that he could throw.  Tessa's shoe struck the guard squarely in the forehead heel first, and was followed closely by the wine bucket spilling ice cubes like a contrail. A sound 'clang!' sent the man reeling as his partner struggled to his feet.

The balcony was the only path open to him and the agent took it. He vaulted over the metal rails, hung from the lower bar and swung to the patio below. From there he leaped to a close tree branch, shimmied down the trunk and hit the ground. Two bullets struck the trunk by his head as he ducked and ran into the darkness of the thick landscape. The loud music from the pool area covered the sound of the shots as the party continued.

Tessa and Kiki pulled themselves together quickly. The guards assured them the intruder would be caught quickly and started to leave.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Tessa called out. The princess squared her shoulders and straightened her blouse. "Call housekeeping to clean this up." The guards hesitated and looked at each other in surprise. "Well, you certainly don't expect us to do it! We have plans! Come on Kiki." She took her friend's hand and they marched to the bedrooms to change. One guard finally shrugged and moved to the telephone strewn across the floor.

**********

Illya's head throbbed. He felt a sensitive lump forming over his right ear as he moved amidst the cover of hibiscus bushes on the outskirts of the central courtyard. A short fence stopped his progress and he took a moment to peer between the vertical metal bars. There was a cart full of pool towels next to a wooden building on the other side. A small sign on the building door said 'SAUNA'. He acted immediately.

Quickly peeling off the offensive uniform, he was not surprised that it was shredded in several places from his trip down the tree trunk. He rolled the items into a tight ball and placed it close to the fence with his communicator on top. Clad in his boxers, he hopped the fence and quickly wrapped a pool towel around his waist. He threw another over his shoulder. Next, he tucked the silver pen in his waistband, retrieved the uniform remnants and wrapped them in another towel then dropped the bundle in the dirty towel bin. With the sound of rustling brush and low voices searching for him Illya pulled open the wooden door.

Inside the door was a small vestibule to hang towels and belongings. He noted a pair of bags on a bench and some shoes neatly put aside but didn't pause. Steam and the woodsy smell of cedar hit him as he opened the sauna door and slipped inside. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust. He heard the low voices before he saw the two figures on the bench.

"Well hello!" A perky woman's voice greeted. "Join us!" The two forms parted and the one on the left patted the space between them. He didn't miss their eyes checking him from head to toe or the flattering fit of their bathing suits.

"Plenty of room," the second woman said with a beguiling smile.

Illya brightened and he wondered just how long he'd have to hide out here. Then he mentally extended the time by several minutes as he settled between the steamy ladies, pleased with his own inspired idea.